PÈRES ABSENTS.

Having an absent father at age 15, I really wonder if it’s what makes every 3 out of 5 people I meet have absent fathers as well. I mean, I grew up with some but I guess the rate just increased over time😅. You see, many a times,  men or males rather tend to complain when mothers get to be celebrated on Fathers’ Day too but then I’ll always say that if a mother plays the role of a father perfectly well, then why don’t I celebrate her on Fathers’ Day as well? One thing we don’t see is the strength in single mothers and those ones out of circumstance especially, appear to be the strongest set of people on earth today *references to my super mum* 🫶

Absent fathers could be in various forms but I’d be addressing the 4 categories I’ve come across. The first and most accepted category of absent fathers is:

l  The absent father who is absent (…more like an absent but present father 🌝 😉): I see this as that which the father is physically absent and the only ground should be death (death was the only thing I could think of and from personal experience too)

In this situation, definitely, the children would be affected emotionally, socially and mentally sometimes. And then the wife? It’s really true you can’t understand a person’s feelings so I don’t think I’d have anything in particular to say about that. 

Please remember my ‘dear men, chill’ post in June🤲

The second category of absent fathers is:

l  The present but absent fathers: There are 2 ways about this. Either a financially challenged father or a just nonchalant father. Asides that a financially challenged father would not feel so proud of himself, there are other factors that could prompt him to become absent and these could include lack of respect from the wife and/or children, fear of inferiority e.t.c.

A present but absent father would be considered to be at fault most times because really, “you’ve got to be a man”. But in situations where nothing is working out, please chill, not relax, chill. 

Having this kind of father at a young age of 3,4,5 would definitely affect a child mentally and emotionally and maybe socially… maybe socially because you could get over it at a certain age. 

Then just nonchalant father could also be in 2 forms- the one who doesn’t really care about the welfare of his family: he either puts out a good image of himself to the public or just “goes with the flow” anytime and anywhere. Or the man who left home… more like ran from home due to “pressure”. “… but I wanted to go search for greener pastures for the family”… no sir, that won’t be understandable by your children. 

The next category of absent fathers is:

l  The present father who is present but absent: I would simply term this an emotionally unavailable father. He could always be there physically and financially especially but emotionally??? Children who have fathers in this category most times don’t get to be affected financially… I mean, just pay my bills *biggest purrrr*🫰. But then, what happens to these children mentally? They begin to think and feel everything is money ( I stand to be corrected on this one👍)

And the last category I’d be addressing??? 

l  The present but weak father: this category are also present in the home but then, can’t make firm decisions pertaining him or the family in a meaningful way. It could be in 2 forms too. It is either a personality trait of being overly friendly and calm and can’t make decisions or take certain actions without the intrusion of the wife. Or a case of inferiority where the woman happens to be the one in charge of the home and there could be different reactions to this inferiority: the man either just sits back and watches everything going on without saying or doing anything or the man who will “go with the flow” and vent his anger and frustration in the wife it the children inclusive.

Of course, being a father is very demanding and could be frustrating sometimes but what makes you a strong one is your ability to manage not only your emotions but also the emotions of every one one the home.

 

*Takes a bow*