STRONG ENOUGH, BUT AT WHAT COST?

 I want you to take a moment and think of that one person you know that has it figured out. That person you can always go to for whatever help it is that you need, that person you notice/see everyone go to for advice, help and assistance, that one person you know that is always giving (most times not given), … or in better words, that one strong person you know. 

These people we call strong, are most times, simply pressured. When they realize that the expectations of everyone around them is to be a standby guide and guard to them, that “strength” is, most times, often perceived as pressure by them.

Being everyone’s problem solver is often birthed from unconscious decision(s) one could make. Either from being the first child, or had a rough childhood so you got to find a way around life very early, or even being an empathetic person; and because the shoes fit perfectly, life decides to make the shoes fit for a pretty long time. And slowly… slowly but surely, these expectations begin to weigh heavily on you. 

What do you do when this pressure becomes “werser”?

If you happen to be this person in context; either that daughter who has to show up for the other members of the family, the son who can’t let the family down, that one young person trying to figure life out, or even a student under academic pressure/ validation, here are some steps to take to avoid loosing yourself along the way:

• CREATE A PLACE/SPACE WHERE YOU CAN BE YOU: by this, I mean you should find that one person you can be vulnerable to; could be a friend, sibling, partner or parent. Sometimes even, it could be a diary or journal but the disadvantage of this is that the human feelings cannot be felt or reciprocated.

Having that space to be you is definitely a way to fee more human and not a superhero 

• ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TAKEN CARE OF/ BE HELPED: there’s a very annoying characteristic common among go-to people and it is that refusal to be helped or assisted. That is a really bad trait, not just because of yourself now, but how people can decide to act when they realize you would never opt for a little assistance.
• MAKE OUT TIME FOR YOU: pick any time of the day, day of the week, time of the month, to be dedicated to only you and not anyone included in that schedule. It should be a time for your own check up to look out for any emotional burnout signals or even a time to just get back on your feet.

During this period, you should free yourself of everything that’s not about your wellbeing. Any family issue at hand, that sibling’s wellbeing/upkeep, or that friend’s business or relationship idea. Mind you, you do not need to explain to anyone why you stay away for a while and if it’s at a point where he, she or they choose to be self centered, thats how to know who the real ones are!

I want you to see and know that being strong and being there for everyone doesnt mean you have to be alone and loose yourself along the way. Being strong means you can always call yourself back to order, back to yourself, back home❤️. While being strong, you’re allowed to be supported, seen and take a chill pill because the truth is, who exactly was your strength for if you end up loosing yourself, trying to be there for everyone else?