Dear Men, Chill!

 I'll try my best not to sound like a Gen Z here😅.

Not just true is it but also quite sad that men are loved conditionally. Especially as the world is going now, if as a man you do not provide adequately for the people you're to provide for, lol, it's a big wahala for you. A man could appear to be all loving to his wife, children and even his pet dog but the love reciprocated is often tied to the condition of provision. 

Mind you, the provision could come in different forms but we'll be discussing a very few of them here. We all must have, at one point or the other, heard of or seen wives or children being disrespectful to the man of the house due to failed responsibility of provision (be it his fault or not😔🫶). 

A man's conditional reciprocated love is usually based on majorly these 3 factors:

1. Provision: No doubt, men are seen and expected to be the breadwinner of their families, extended families included. As a man, you'd have said to yourself or made it a must rather that it's in your hands to ensure a financially secured and stable family. In the world of today, finance appears to be our top priority as without it, you're getting nothing done. So as a man, the pressure is already set to make you not just think of financing yourself alone but your family as a whole

2. Protection and Safety: I believe we can limit this to the nuclear family. Although, you also have a part to play in the safety of your extended family as well (I'm sorry😭). Under this, we can find the traditional male standards i.e stoicism, strength, ego and the likes. As a man, it is embedded, also, in your responsibility to provide protection and security for the family; and that is when we come across statements like "Go and kill it! Aren't you a man?" Or even to little kids when adults say to them " don't cry, act like a man". You're expected to be strong, be it good or bad or even in overwhelming situations. 

3. Achievements and Status: Nowadays, we hear ladies saying they can't get married to someone who is not driving a car worth 10 million naira and above; or a man that can't buy them wigs worth millions of naira. This has put so much pressure on men that we find men having to do things unexpected of them, all in a bid to meet up with the society. Without a solid status or recognition in the society or where you're coming from, at least, as a man, those set of people who are loved unconditionally would either find it hard to be proud of you, or not be proud of you at all.

After explaining these very few factors behind the conditional love men face, I'd actually have to say my take on this. You see, right from ages, the society has seen females as fragile, inferior, tender and so is the case for children. No doubt, when the issue of the inferiority of females comes up, it's mostly women who are at the receiving end of everything we go through as humans. This, in my own point of view, is like a strength for women and children. "I can't get married to you, have to stop certain things I used to do, give birth to children for you and be expected to pay bills alongside you" or "Dad, mum gave me the money I asked you for". Of course, this will sadden you because it's your responsibility "as a man." 

What am I trying to say in essence? From the onset, provision has always been embedded in the hands of men. Be it whatever "kind of" provision but make sure to provide something, at least. Also, in this part of the world we're at a point of "if you cannot press money, clear!" (not my words though😂😭🤲). Now, not only have females taken this to heart but also have men nurtured this in their minds. Surely, this will not only make you feel pressure from society, but also from yourself. 

I do tell guys, when I come across any trying to make ends meet because he doesn't want to "clear", that "it's very okay and normal to feel pressure but don't be pressured". I really can't tell if it's because I'm at a point in my life where I'm beginning to have a peep at adulthood but sometimes, I just wonder how I can go about certain issues falling in and out for me and then my mind pictures me as a man trying to comfort myself, my wife and my children all at the same time and then I'm left with nothing but pity for men.

It's no longer news hearing a father dying due to high blood pressure. Responsibilities laying and waiting patiently for him, with pressure from the wife and children; and then we have this part of the world where you need money to get money 🤧💔. 

All of these put together is enough to drop a man's heart and so I'd encourage us as humans (women and children) to take it easy on our men. Being considerate of men would do us all a whole lot of good.

And to our men🌝🫶🏻, let's all take to Ify's words and understand that WHILE IT'S OKAY TO FEEL PRESSURE, DO NOT BE PRESSURED because pressure leaves us with nothing but hard lessons to learn.