FARMER’S BRIDE

I was so engrossed in my own world that I cared less about life. I didn’t realize this till I threw a very silly question at my roommate, “Is child marriage really practiced in Nigeria?” Not until after I threw that question did it dawn on me that I had withdrawn almost totally from the society. 

There was also a movie released some time ago which narrated child marriage and I love that it didn’t only portray the traditional part of it but also the psychological effect this could have on the child, THE FARMER’S BRIDE. 

Of recent too, there were videos of old cargos surfacing online, crying in so much anguish over the ban of child marriage and I couldn’t help but say in my defense that the society, put together, could legit make one go psycho.

I don’t know… but in my opinion,  child marriage is not only pedophilia, but also rape (I do not stand to be corrected). I don’t care how anyone is going to paint this but even if one is to say these girls consent to sex with these old men (which is obviously not true), THEY ARE STILL CHILDREN AND NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR THEMSELVES YET!!! And in situations where they feel it’s high time they started making decisions for themselves, their whole life would have eaten them up and that’s when the psychological effect(s) begin creeping in. 

What do these girls face emotionally, psychologically and even physically that the society is unaware of?

The first thing that hit these girls is DEPRESSION. The depression that comes with lack of freedom-lack of freedom to make personal decisions, lack of freedom of my right to self expression, lack of my freedom. The depression that comes with watching my dreams stare back at me with nothing that can be done to bring us both together. The depression that comes with having to leave my old life, against my own will and having to embrace a whole new lifestyle I have no idea how to maneuver. 

The depression is the first of many other psychological effects of child marriage and it is what leads to the next which is ANXIETY AND STRESS. It is enough to swallow in that I’d have to be living with someone almost (if not all the time) older than my father for the rest of my life… and when it was time for the bedroom duties? I’m just 14 for God’s sake!! 

That alone is enough to stress about, but then, there is still the abuses I have to go through and the worst part? I don’t know how an old man thinks and when these dark thoughts start sparking up in his head which leaves me in the dark almost all the time. Most times, I can’t even sleep without fear in my heart and what happens when fear stays too long?

You can’t even blame me when I resort to killing people around me. I’m aware it is a sign of MENTAL ILLNESS but at the same time, it could be the only way I could be a step or maybe an inch closer to my dream; and in my defense, everyone, including my own parents have lived their “dreams” and also lived to kill mine and I guess it’s time for me to get close to mine, if that’s the best I could do for me. 

These mental illnesses I faced were not only as a result of the emotional and physical abuse I passed through…

…They were triggered also by the TRAUMA I passed through during childbirth. What do you expect from the body of a child giving birth to a child? No proper health care, no emotional support, no proper hygiene and even on the day of my labor, some “midwives” claimed to take care of me and clean me up but didn’t even do better than I could have done myself. 

Let’s forget about childbirth trauma and focus on all the damage I’ve been caused just because I looked ripe for marriage. The list is endless definitely and it makes me wonder how I could save other girls like me:

I know for a fact our community leaders would pay no heed to my voice so I’d rather use THE MEDIA AND NET. There are lots of women who are ready to fight for girls like me and would stop at nothing to make sure this crap is stopped

And even if I do not get enough visibility to apply the first point, there are also various NGO’s that fight for women who don’t get heard enough. COLLABORATIONS AND PARTNERSHIPS WITH THESE NGO’s would really go a long way in trying to curb child marriage 

Having collaborated and partnered with as many NGO’s as I can, initiating my own GIRLS’ EMPOWERMENT PROGRAMS would be the next step to curbing this child marriage I suffered from.

My last resort is always that our parents were ignorant enough to suffer and pass it down to us but now, we know better and should try our best to break free from the shackles and suffering of child marriage.